Thursday, February 16, 2012

Origin Stories: Hawkeye (not M*A*S*H)

So I saw this...




...which was followed up by this...




...and prompted me to construct this.


"Hey kid, would you like to learn to be an expert archer?"
"What other kinds of archers are there?"
"Intermediate, Beginner, and Poor."
"I think intermediate archer sounds more my speed."
"What? Why not shoot for the moon?"
"Can expert archers shoot the moon?"
"The moon is choked with all the arrows experts shoot into it. It hardly means anything anymore."
"Can I... shoot the breeze?"
"Right in the center."
"Where is the center of the breeze?"
"Midway through its heart, just above its thorax."
"When people say 'sure as shootin',' will they be talking about me?"
"There, you're confused. The expression is 'sure as shitting.'"
"That makes more sense."
"Because everybody shits, right?"
"Almost everybody. You've got Jake the Non-Shitting Primate With No Asshole on your staff."
"He's only an intermediate archer, speaking of. Do you want to be like him?"
"Oh, hell no. Sign me up for expert. I'm all about shitting and shooting and... shutting. Like, doors."
"Mostly we've got tents with flaps. I don't know if they're ever technically 'shut'."
"Well, when I bring my skills to the city, I know they'll have doors there."
"You've got vision, kid."

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