Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Spam Still Amuses Me

Is it not true that part of the comedy of first-generation spam/phishing techniques is that their translation to English is so poor? If I were substantially less corrupt, I could hire myself out as a copy editor for spammers and receive a cut of their earnings from the bank accounts of the shamefully naive. It almost sounds appealing, phrased like that.

This is what my beloved Yahoo* account yielded me today:

Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division. 
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar. Hoover Building, Washington D.C

Your card was hold in our office due to Money laundering certificate , we are ready to take you to any length if you failed to proof the legitimate of the card you are about to receive. As a Federal Commission we are here to protect your interest and the interest of all the United State citizens as well as this great Nation. You have been investigated as the beneficiary of the said funds that is why you are in touch with the FBI for a solid proof before the funds will be release to you.

The said card is now our office in your name which has been placed on hold under the custody of the FBI for further verification and proof before releasing the card to you. 

You do not have this document in your files, if you did the fund would not have been hold. We did not believe this at first, but when we saw the deliver we had no option than to contact you.

We have gone through your Identification record and also the informations received from you, we have verified a lot of things about you. It has come to the attention of our Money Trafficking investigation department, that you have some ATM card valued at U.S $ 10.5 Million to your name, 

With full concern of The F.B.I and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) wish to remind you of the consequences of remitting such huge sums of money without complying fully with the provisions of the Financial and Allied Matters Decree 5 as amended in sub-section C (6) of 2003, which stipulates that any monitory transaction been done in the United States Of America, must have proper records, which duly guarantees and covers the transaction as legitimate and legally acquired and not criminally or terrorist associated funds.

Note that with the information's we have here, the card in your name here was release from Federal Republic Of Nigeria. To this regard you are to contact the EFCC Nigeria. where the card was release from so that they will issue you the required document because they are the only people that can issue you the document. Nobody else have the right or privilege to issue you this document unless the EFCC Nigeria. 

You are under an observational /Investigation in connection with money laundering. If your card comes from a legitimate and legal source, the proper guidelines for you to recover the right of transaction is for you to provide the official monitory transaction release document so that your funds will be legally processed and recorded and accounted for and then finally released to you. 

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT) IS HERE to wipe out terrorism, and will stop at no length in doing our duty for the American people

You have 48 hours to produce legal proof of the ducument MONEY LAUNDERING DEPARTMENT,You do not have any rights to receive these funds if the documented legal delivery information is not complete. 

For your own good and benefit, you are advice not to send your money to anybody accept the below person that will get the document for you. It have come to our notice that you have been dealing with scammers regarding the present transaction in your name, with the power imposed on us as a high Federal Commission, you are hereby warn and instruction to terminate your involvement with any people or individual contacting you regarding this present transaction.The said card is now in our custody in your name as the beneficiary, your dealings should be channel to this office alone, if we find out you are still communicating with Imposters you will be charge for advance fraud communication by the Federal Law. 

The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations--which serve, as our mission states, 'to protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the criminal laws of the United States.' So follow our instructions properly to avoid any action before you. 

We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal law. So you can see that we can track you down through Investigative programs. We have your address and the evidence and status of your delivery card , so we can arrest you anytime anywhere.

You dont have the required document on your possesion, these document are only to be issue to you from the paying country NIGERIA, to this regards you are advice to contact the EFCC NIGERIA to obtain the document from them to enable the immediate release of the funds in your name. 

We have done our verification on your FBI Identification Record with our Social Security Number, the only document left is the required MONEY LAUNDERING CERTIFICATE Seal Of Transfer(DIST) Which should be issue to you from the paying country of the said funds, you are to contact the ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION(EFCC) Nigeria to obtain the above required document. 

You are to take care of the document by sending to the EFCC NIGERIA the sum of $98 Dollars only for the issuing of the document right away and your card will be release to you That is the only way the EFCC NIGERIA will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic and Original copy of the document for the relasement of your card. find below their contact information's you we use and make payment of $98

Name:Obinna Nledo
Address: Lagos-Nigeria
Question: 98
Answer: yes

contact information's of the chairman of EFCC NIGERIA 

Contact Person:Mrs Farida Mzamber Waziri
Email: efcc.nigeria2009@w.cn OR efcc.nig1984@hotmail.com
Telephone: +234-8029679537
Office Address: 72 western avenue victoria Island Lagos Nigeria.
WARNING: failure to produce the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you, justificated and if found guilty, you will be jailed. As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and prosecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act. FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHEMENT AS SOON AS YOU OBTAIN IT.

Faithfully Yours,
Federal Bureau Investigation 
Robert S. Mueller Director, FBI

* Actually, I cannot stand my annoying Yahoo account and wish I could terminate it without compromising my access to Flickr. It still insists on forwarding all spam from the prior Geocities e-mail account it absorbed in a corporate merger and there is no way to terminate this connection.

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