Wednesday, September 2, 2009

OMG ITS TEH ST8 FAIRZ0R!!!1!

I never mentioned my trip to the State Fair, did I? I mean, hundreds of thousands of other people are going off about exactly the same thing, sure, but I went too.

The first thing we did, as in years past, was hit the deep-fried turkey sandwich booth. The turkey meat is deep-fried (not battered) and piled onto a bun. You can add your own toppings but you run the risk of blocking its own innate deliciousness.

I kept an eye out for the Pronto Pups, my personal tradition (for no good reason), but every time I found a booth it was insanely crowded. They have two lines, one in each window, and each of those lines held a good 20-30 people in them. After the fourth or fifth booth I did finally break down and condescend to get into line, which went fairly quickly, as Rebecca suggested it would. They have a new thing, or else I just don't remember seeing it: the Papa Pup, which is a footlong corndog. I ordered that and discovered that its unusual size presents a logistical difficulty: the distal end was still cold in the center. I hate cold hot dogs, but I plowed through it anyway. I mean, it costs enough, might as well eat it all up.

I also tried the new food this year: salad on a stick. It's a caprese salad, so it's just a long stick with cherry tomatoes, fresh basil, and balls of mozzarella. I coated it in olive oil, ground salt and pepper, and it was pretty refreshing. This was had at the organic food section, so the ingredients were particularly healthful and healthy. For a beverage I tried a maple soda, which was both cute and nostalgic to my palate. The salad was $6 and the soda was $4, so I'm grateful for the experience but feel no urge to repeat it.

We saw the rabbits being judged in the rabbit barn, and I felt a lurking need to own and raise my own rabbit. Right now would be the worst time to attempt that, of course, so I did not breach this discussion with my wife. We caught the tail-end of the sheep-judging competition, where a large sheep (the size of a small horse) was resisting being posed for a photograph.

We checked out the Midway and actually went on a couple rides. I hate roller coasters and rides that hoist you up high and fling you around, so we only tried the latter. I feel it's important to challenge myself, confront my fears (see also: misadventures with online dating, circa 2006). We also went in that space-saucer-looking thing that rolls you up the tilted walls by centripedal force. Always a favorite of mine, though we spent a lot of time spinning and not much time actually rolling up the walls. That was a rip-off. It was probably due to the group of retards (read: teenage boys) who started goofing off as soon as we hit velocity.

Teenage boys should be forbidden from that ride for fifty minutes of every hour; they should get their own exclusive ten-minute ride, where the controller spins them at maximum velocity for ten solid minutes, lets them goof around, then kicks it up to an unsafe threshold and tosses handfuls of steak knives and billiard balls at them. A chute in the back could open to dump the bodies out, the cushions could be hosed off, and the ride would take one more spin to dry itself out, then back to business as usual.

We also got a bowl of custard, mocha-flavored, which was astonishing. I'm starting to become an ardent fan of custard over ice cream, and this sample had little bits of ground coffee bean in it. If it also had vanilla bean, I would become a booster for this company. There is no reason not to get a bowl of this amazing custard every time you go to the State Fair.

Also, we got the roasted corn-on-a-cob. I don't see the point to buying expensive food you could make for yourself for a fraction of the price. I don't see the point to going out somewhere unusual and ordering something completely common and ordinary. But the fact remains that this corn is roasted to perfection and exquisitely sweet, so I will shut up and eat my corn.

3 comments:

Shanna (Crabbit) said...

Ahhh, the State Fair. I'm likely going to wind up missing this year. People who owe me large chunks of money are not coming through with their word for repayment, so it's not in the budget. I'm disappointed. I love going through the International Bazar, seeing if I can find any unique goodies for a decent price (last year it was hair sticks for myself, and earrings for my mom).

Last year I conquered the Sling Shot ride. Twice. The first time was hilarious, as I went on with my brother. I was laughing my ass off the entire time while he was swearing and yelling like he was going to die. I promptly bought the DVD of our ride afterwards. :) Have you tried it yet?

Christian said...

I don't think I'm familiar with the Sling Shot. The ride I went on this year was something like the Cobra or the Viper. If there were a poisonous snake that could move like this ride, I definitely would never go camping again. Rebecca tried to tell me that closing my eyes on it made it easier, but this was not true for me.

It's mandatory for me to go to the State Fair at least once each year. I wouldn't go every day, but I think three times would be good: once for the shopping, once for the food, and once to spend the entire time hunting out whatever's new.

Shanna (Crabbit) said...

You can usually see the Sling Shot from various places around the fairgrounds. It's one of the 'extreme' rides that are next to the Midway. You sit in a round cage, which is attached to two tall poles, and they fling you into the air (like a sling shot) and let you bounce around up there for a while. It's actually pretty smooth, and doesn't jostle you around much. It's my new favorite ride. Watching YouTube videos of people on it is pretty funny.

Next ride I want to conquer out there is the SkyScraper. It's like the Zipper ride, but on steroids (and it's only got two cages).

I'm a bit of an adrenaline junky. You couldn't tell, right?