Friday, June 5, 2009

I Have No Audience, and I Must Perform

I'm not setting any time aside for writing. This is bad. Yeah, I can sneak a moment to crank out a little blog post, but I really don't have much to say because nothing's going on currently, or nothing I feel comfortable with publishing publicly. The pinched nerve in my neck seems to have migrated to beneath my shoulder blade, and last night my left hip responded with stabbing pain whenever it bent back, like when my right leg strides forward to walk. Am I totally falling apart?

I started to read Shopgirl by Steve Martin, and it appears to be an interesting character study. I'm also slowly chipping away at The Very Best of Gene Wolfe, reading a story every couple of nights. I downloaded Think Smart for the Kindle, so I can glance at that when I bus home. But overall I feel a tremendous sense of needing to get things done and I'm not setting time aside for any of them. I won't have any time this weekend, so it's up to me to ask for an hour alone at night just to begin to get a little reading in. How can I not have a free hour each weeknight?

I'm still sending out postcards for Postcrossing, and I've only received one. Rebecca's already gotten two and she's only sent out three cards, I think. It's a little discouraging. I'm still sending out postcards, though. I wonder how much money I'd be saving if I wasn't buying postcards and postage? It's almost a buck a shot to send a card overseas.

I've started up with (now It's all junked-up with advertisements and other pay-attention-to-me features, but with a little diligence and study I have deciphered its interface to make it do what it used to do: keep track of everything I eat in a day. Knowing that I'm going to hold myself accountable for my snacking has already impacted my eating habits. I brought a bag of muesli to the office so I'll always have breakfast and I'm drinking more water--how regrettable that it's coming in plastic bottles, so wasteful. Too bad the water from the water cooler tastes so nasty. With a little more discipline I could bring my Sigg bottle to work regularly.

It's all just to lose my gut. I don't kid myself that I'll ever be buff or ripped or whatever, I'm just trying to become less unattractive. My wife is very flattering and says I'm fine as I am, but I don't like how I look. And also, the fat that builds up on the stomach is unlike the fat anywhere else on the body and is more prone to cancer. And Think Smart has been going into what foods help build and support the brain: none, really, but a little red wine is beneficial, and anything that's good for the heart is necessarily good for the brain. They recommend the Mediterranean diet, which has my interest piqued.

The high school politics at Open Salon are making me reluctant to contribute. There's nothing wrong with the Admin; if anything, I feel bad for them. An open-door policy for a blog is... dicey at best, even if you're starting with an intelligent constituency such as regularly reads But there is a grade of contributors there who are as poor at writing and organizing their thoughts as they are skilled at popularity contests. They work to promote other crappy writers who know how to suck ass, and they gang up on people they decide they don't like, where I was hoping a blog service run by OS would by nature be a meritocracy. It's still a useful place to practice my chops, I have to keep reminding myself about that.

As for LiveJournal... I just don't do anything there. I place comments that get ignored and I write posts that get ignored. It's not a pool in which I can swim any longer. Why did I go back to it?

All this boils down to a basic need to communicate and being stonewalled at every turn.



you have a new lj?

Amanda said...

The trick I've found to LJ is to respond to every comment, as best you can. People leave more comments if they feel like you are reading them, I've noticed.

Christian said...

BATTLEFINCH: Yes and no; I explained it in e-mail.

Amanda: Well, that's very true. It's not a guarantee, but it's a good theory.