Friday, April 10, 2009

Can I Complain About Facebook Here?

Can I? Can I do that thing? The complaining about Facebook thing, here, in my blog?

Sure, why not. No one's reading anyway. I might as well run down a list of my sexual fantasies. I won't, but I might as well.

And that is not the vodka and gin talking.

So, Facebook. Constantly, it has this list of People You May Know, and I check out this list, and people fall into three categories: People I have no freakin' idea who they are (80%), People I'm aware of but do not wish any contact with (18%), and Oh awesome I remember them (2%). Regardless of who these people are and how far removed from me they are, Facebook continuously brings them up to my attention, clearing its throat softly, and asking whether I'd like to be friends with them now.


I would have Friended (thank you, Living Language) by now if I did. In all likelihood I would have remembered their name from my dimly perceived past and sought them out of my own volition. I don't need Facebook's self-serving obsequiousness suggesting, "Well, you know, like, 20 of your friends know this person, maybe you should be friends with her too." Totally neglecting the fact that I tried to meet her while I worked at the Renaissance Festival and she totally dissed me. She totally let me know that I was beneath her station, and now she's all "we should be friends," and I'm all, "whatever, you're the obese vampire from Renaissance Festival." You know? I'm not into bandwagoning, I don't buy into it. Just because over 20 of my friends experienced a lapse in judgment or found it momentarily profitable to encourage rather than dissuade a shallow acquaintance, Facebook, that does not mean I wish to establish a connection with this person.

Man, I got some good vodka. I'm recommending Death's Door Vodka. It mixes well, but by itself it's slightly salty or beefy, so I think it would be an excellent component of the Bullshot, which is vodka and beef bouillon. It is the delicious, non-sweet, anti-girly drink you've been craving. You can't--or shouldn't--pour the booze straight into the beef stew, but you can mix yourself up the tasty little Bullshot. And then my friends Nick & Molly got me Crystal Skull Vodka, modeled after the very same mysterious crystal skull that haunted my imagination when I was a friendless, loveless teenager in high school. It's a beautiful vessel and the vodka is light and tasty to boot. And Eric and Suzanne got me Beefeater Gin, which is just a good, solid, upright staple of the liquor cabinet, so I did pretty well this birthday season. I also have a lot of wine and I'm not a big wine drinker but it's important to be able to drink any alcohol in a pinch.

As it is, it's Friday night and I've had a good, solid week of work all day and domestic labors at night. My birthday's been postponed until the beginning of May, when it will coincide with my graduation party, but I had my wedding anniversary and two Passover dinners, one of which was hosted at my house. Oh man, Clear Water Action (or whatever) called me on the phone and they're all, "We just wanted to tell you that your money helped scrub oil off of little duckies and we preserved a section of pond and all this good stuff," and I tried not to yell at the guy but sternly informed him, "Listen, I'm trying to serve fourteen people for dinner," and he apologized and hung up. Later, I realized I meant to say, "I'm serving dinner for fourteen people." The way I said it makes me sound like one hungry, hungry cannibal, and that would make the second cannibalism joke I've made at a political canvasser's expense. The first was when this guy from Second Harvest came to the door and I invited him him and he said that was friendly and I said it wasn't every day free-range meat walked right into my house. He laughed a little but he stopped blinking and kept his back to the wall.

I might as well complain about Open Salon since I'm in such a complainy mood. It is such a freakin' clique over there. There are certain authors that everyone links to, and they're on everyone's Friends pages, and they're not even that good. Yes, I said it. I'm not even talking about typographical errors and punctuation: their ideas are BAD. They have terrible ideas! They phrase them poorly and back them up even worse. And then the most surprising people agree with them. There's this one guy who's all "men are only allowed to do what I think is right and everyone should oppress everyone who disagrees with me, oh, and women shouldn't have jobs and should only cook and wear skirts." And intelligent men are saying, "ha ha, yeah, you're totally right," and altie-chicks and pagan chicks are saying, "I've missed you so much! I'm so glad you're back!"

And I'm all, "Hey, wait a minute, that's a particularly unevolved take on gender roles, and who the hell are you to tell people how to live? Who are you to advocate violence over a matter of aesthetics?" And everyone's ganging up on ME. Also, he used a word very wrongly and I corrected him on it, and he claims he's right but the OED says he's wrong, and he also says he didn't say any of the things he wrote. It's a profoundly frustrating conversation, but that's what you get when you mix it up with Republicans and Conservatives. The best thing to do is open up a bottle of gin and one of Orangina or blood orange soda and just play World of Warcraft until two in the morning.

Well, to hell with it. I went through and cleaned out my Contacts list of all the detritus, and now I'll post whatever crap I feel like on Open Salon, not just my best material or most considered reflections. I mean, anyway, I can pour my heart and talent into a post there, and it totally gets overlooked. What gets the votes and viewings? Some sub-literate rant about cats or Satan or something. It drives me nuts, and I have to learn not to care. It's just another clique.

Update: Comments closed because this post is attracting a lot of idiots. Facebook is a free service and I say, "You get what you pay for."


Mark10USA said...

“The Dark Side of Facebook AKA "Disgracebook," or “Facebooks Complete Lack of Customer Service”

The unaired dark side of Facebook, or should I call it "Disgracebook." The reason I say the unaired dark side of Facebook is because I have yet to see anything announced on the prime time major news outlets about the disgraceful way Facebook treats its members. The Internet is bursting at its seems with unhappy disabled Facebook members who have posted thousands of complaints everywhere it is possible to post complaints about Facebooks complete lack of customer service and mean spirited disregard for concerns, questions and feedback from members and former members.

On Mark Zuckerber's Facebook Fan Page Mark states "I'm trying to make the world a more open place by helping people connect and share." I am glad Mark says he is "trying etc." because, in my opinion, he certainly has NOT accomplished his mission. Facebook is one of the most closed undemocratic uncaring unsocial business operations since the formation of the Gestapo. Facebook operates carte blanche without regard of a due process of rights for members Facebook deems unworthy to be members of its social network service and therefore, disables their account. Facebook justifies its policy and actions under the euphemism of “protecting members” from “repeated actions that could be construed as spam,” and from anything Facebook makes up as a threat to its security. Facebook is an omnipotent uncaring broadly defined automated bureaucratic security service mechanism with unpublished specific rules that are violated without knowing it. If this is not Gestapo like policy, I guess I do not know what it is because it certainly is unAmerican to say the least!

Furthermore, Facebook is not a social network service. When joining Facebook you are, in reality, joining a money making “computer program” complete with automated responders but is set up to look like a social network service operated by real people. Is it any wonder Facebook members are treated with total disregard for being feeling thinking real people? I have yet to know of a computer program that is able to feel and or to reason. When someone calls Facebook you are treated rudely and crassly informed to use their computerized automated services which do not reply when used or quickly transferred to an automated answering service to which there is no reply.

I urge anyone interested to please research what I am informing you of because I assure you the situation I have explained is the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. Until the media takes notice of and makes public “Disgracebooks” inhuman treatment of people Mark Zuckerberg and his staff and money making computer program will continue to fill up trenches behind Disgracebooks California headquarters with unworthy disabled members.

One final comment. If Disgracebook is treating its foreign members as poorly as it treats its domestic members Disgracebook is not only giving itself a black eye it is giving the United States of America a black eye. Is there anyone out there who cares enough to tell the world about Facebooks dark side?

LuvsJD said...

Well said. Facebook disabled me for no reason. They have absolutely no customer service and I don't know how that is legal. Further, it was just on CNN that Facebook now makes billions and has gotten to be one of the biggest internet sites yet they can't afford customer service? Now that greed and disgrace Mark Zuckerber. You can be compared to the leaders of AIG....pathetic.

LuvsJD said...

Facebook is a rip off and I advise anyone to find another way to stay in touch. I was disabled for no reason as I never even said a swear word on their idiotic site with NO CUSTOMER SERVICE! Pathetic company owned by a pathetic individual who only cares about the bottom line and not the members. No customer service?????????? is that legal???? I am reporting them to the FBI for internet fraud for disabling me. I did nothing wrong like so many. I have told all my friends to spread the word to go back to MySpace.

LuvsJD said...

Spread the word for everyone to go back to MySpace. That way we will all put Facebook out of business.

Mark10USA said...

Hello fellow honorable former Facebook members who have been unfairly and unjustly disabled from Facebook because of Facebooks insensitive, uncaring, completely ambiguous nonspecific rules, regulations, limits, priorities and exceeding an unknown prohibited rate of making new friends policy as well as their practically nonexistent inaccurate extremely poor customer service!

Fellow justifiably angry former Facebook members will you please email your complaints regarding "DISGRAGEBOOK" to the Better Business Bureau of California by cutting and pasting WWW.BBB.ORG into your web browser and follow the simple instruction to access the California BBB complaint site. To access the correct California complaint site you need to have Facebooks zip code which is 94301. Once you are into the complaint form you need to have Facebooks corporate address, phone and fax number which is: Facebook, Inc., 156 University Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301, phone number, 650-543-4800 or 650-853-1300, and fax number, 650-543-4801

Once you have filed your electronic complaint with the California BBB please fax your complaint to Facebook at their fax number, 650-543-4801. After faxing your complaint to Facebook please call Facebook 650-543-4800 &/or 650-853-1300 and leave a verbal complaint on their answering service. Now, upon completion of this, please snail mail your complaint to, Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, inc., 156 University Avenue, Palo Alto, CA 94301. Upon completion of this, please snail mail your complaint to, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, State Capital Building, Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear friends, please ask all those you know who have been unjustly disabled from Facebook to send their complaints to the aforementioned in the proceeding paragraph. We need to get organized and inform the world that Facebook is not a cute little billion dollar social network it portrays itself to be to the public and to those who are silly enough to advertise on this wretched social network now rechristened "DISGRACEBOOK."

Thank you in advance for your participation in getting your complaints to those who will eventually correct "DISGRACEBOOK'S" insensitive inhumane non-benevolent disgraceful business practices.