Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Leaving Bad Enough Alone

It's the end of the year, and one way people have commemorated this (aside from splurging in food and booze) throughout the centuries has been in forming resolutions to make the next year better.

But if you're lazy or unimaginative, you're probably also stupid and think that you don't need to improve on anything because you're... just fine.

I thought I'd research online resolution generators, because I know that any time I've come up with an idea, a hundred other people have already slapped a facsimile together.  Google saves me time in pointing out that everything has already been done already, so there's no point in using up precious minutes to create stuff.

But the Internet has also shown us that there is an exponentially greater population of idiots than our most cynical imaginings could suggest.  Here, then, is the juxtaposition between great ideas and stupid applications.

  • I will stop walking the dog.
  • I will stop wearing sunscreen less often.
  • I will start eating french fries again.
  • I will stop using soap less often.
  • I will start smoking cigars less often.
  • Stop taking drugs too grossly.
  • Try not to be acting stupid in theaters.
  • Refrain from selling all my stuff for any reason.
  • Never be tastelessly eBay bidding.
  • Seldom be stumbling.
This year I promise I'll...
  • Quit smoking.
  • Stop saying "dude."
  • Floss.
  • Stop protesting at abortion clinics.
  • Quit swearing.
Three other links to resolution generators turned out to be dead.  It seems there was a rush to create these things a few years ago, and then interest dwindled to where such a function can only be found on low-maintenance ghost sites.

This is a Student Congress Resolution Generator, which is not useful for New Year's resolutions.  I thought it would be funny to include in here, but I ran through a sample resolution and this device was a complete waste of coding.  This program could be more efficaciously replaced by a simple set of formatting guidelines and instructions, since that's essentially what it does under the aegis of automated document generation.

In short: some people have great technical prowess but no creativity or sense of humor.  I think this shows me that groups work better than individuals do, in some cases.  Say you've got a humorist who can't draw and an artist who can't tell jokes: which one of them should make a graphic novel?  Neither, or both together.

My resolution: find or start a writing group.  I've had poor experience with these in the past, but maybe there's a non-dorky group out there that's willing to challenge itself and can offer useful, qualified advice.

No comments: