Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hide the Children, Lock the Doors: it's Hallowe'en

Oh man, it's time for Hallowe'en, and you know what that means.

That's right: twisted sexy women's costumes. And there's not a damned thing you can do about it. Women have the option of dressing up as sexy versions of things that were never intended to be sexy, and it will key into men's biological imperative and we will wonder just who the hell we are.

Think I'm wrong? Observe: sexy Spongebob Squarepants. Tell me you would not throw her down and do her. In that outfit. Tell me that, and I will tell you that you are a rank liar.

Some of these costumes are obvious, like this trio: sexy pirate, sexy bier frau, and sexy... Cajun/Renaissance goth slut, I dunno. Yes, they embody patently enticing aspects such as danger, alcohol, and easy availability.

Other costumes start to cross cultural mores like moonshine runners behind V8 engines--case in point, the sexy female Harry Potter. They couldn't have chosen one of the female students to model this after? Okay, they were all kids, but this model is clearly of drinking age: why pattern her after an underage boy?

And for the last couple of years there has been the teen zombie cheerleader, and now there's the zombie prom queen. Dude. What is up with this? Someone's like "It's inappropriate to find teens sexy, and it's inappropriate to find corpses sexy... isn't there some way we can combine them for maximum appeal?" And then someone greenlighted that idea. Gave it the thumbs-up. Someone literally had an office at their job where they said, "We are on for the sexy dead illegal girl costumes."

That's what gets me about people who say they're bored with the world. I cannot wrap my head around the concept that anyone with two working eyes (or any way of sensing what the hell is going on) could ever, ever be bored with the world. There is way too much going on to be bored. There are companies that manufacture sexy undead jailbait costumes. There are countries where you can drink alcohol with a dead snake in it. There is no freakin' reason to be bored.


Marina said...

There was an article in the MN Daily about that today:

That spongebob costume is alarming in the extreme.

Christian said...

Awesome. That girl in the article is essentially saying, "I want to look sexy, but not for men." Either she needs to look up a better word to replace "sexy" or she just handed a whole new box of ammunition to the Conservatives.