Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Rush and a Push

If anyone wants to ask me how relaxing my month off has been, I look forward to pasting one across their chops. After calling different locations for ceremony and reception, separately, then there's time to rest. Except there are still boxes to be moved in, unpacked, and contents to be distributed neatly, and then I can rest. Except there are still household chores that need attending, like garbage, recycling, keeping the dishes clean, scrubbing down the bathroom, etc. And then there's time to rest. Except for following up on my lesson plans, driving out to the library, or to class in St. Paul, online tutorials, critically analyzing a dozen children's books, etc.

But it's good work and I feel productive. I put the deposit down on First Universalist Church, yesterday, for our ceremony. Today I went to St. Anthony Main and took pictures of their event center, proposed location for the reception. Now, the wedding itself is going to be small, but the reception would likely be a bit larger. My concern is that there are people who would be offended about not getting invited to the wedding, even though they can show for the reception. Is that an unrealistic worry? I mean, actually, my invite list is pretty small because I imagine people don't give a rat's ass about weddings, much less my wedding in particular. Most people don't really know Rebecca, and my life isn't very interesting on its own, so I don't imagine there are hordes banging at the door to get in.

Yes, weddings are profoundly unpopular with people who aren't getting married, and now that I'm doing this work... I really have no contact with my friends. "Friends" itself is now redefined as "distant people I remember liking", since I don't hang out with anyone. I have all of September off and I've seen Logan because he installed my brakes; I saw Alexis at a party; and... Well, anyway. Just because someone's planning a wedding doesn't mean you can't relate to them anymore. And so I provide: Some Questions You Can Ask Someone Who's Planning A Wedding (especially if you've never been married).
  1. Where's the ceremony/reception (are they at the same place)?
  2. Thought of a theme yet?
  3. What's the damage for the caterers (unimaginative menu, $10,000 minimum?! For 100 people?!)?
  4. What's looking good/likely so far?
  5. What have been some of the most colorful failures so far?
  6. How's she (significant other) handling it?
  7. So, is she doing all the planning?
You'll note that some of these questions are meant for guys to ask other guys. That's because women have such a fucking hard-on for weddings that they really need no conversational guides. One girl says "I'm getting married," there's an atmosphere-rending shriek from a dozen other women, which is actually a connection signal like on a fax: a T3 connection sprouts from each of their skulls and they form a LAN whereby tremendous loads of information are disseminated. Women were genetically coded for file-swarming centuries before Bram Cohen ever spurted out.

But the thing is, I don't want to be alienated. I'm busy making phone calls, have forgotten all about looking for another, better job. I'm making noises to sell my car and have had a couple positive responses, so that'll be wrapped up. Classes are going well: Information Access has greatly enhanced my idea of libraries altogether, and Children's Literature is a surprisingly deep and technical world. But I've got all this fucking time off and I haven't hung out with my friends. It's really alienating, though it's going to simplify the invite list, of course.

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